If we’ve heard it once, we’ve heard it a thousand times, ‘behind every great man - is a great woman’. She is great, but beneath her amazing exterior, she’s possibly an exhausted, swearing, sarcastic, bitter, alcoholic mess - on the brink of a cosmic tantrum!
How many times ladies have we forfeited our own needs, succumbing to the demands of our partners, children, parents, our friends and everyone in between? It’s a little something I like to call ‘Martyrdom Syndrome’. The call of duty, a burning genetic desire to please and feel needed.
We do give a lot of ourselves to the people we care about, and let’s be clear; there’s nothing wrong with that! But are we possibly doing too much? When we feel exhausted by it, burst into tears at the postman or ponder that bottle of wine in the fridge before we’ve had our morning coffee, the yes, I would say it is. When we find our emotional banks empty and feel the need to run screaming from the building, this is an immediate sign to throw oneself in the ‘time out’ corner and take stock!
Here’s the good news, everyone who loves us, wants us to be happy. Have no doubt about it. We all deserve to take a non guilt moment to ourselves each day to remind us that our own needs, thoughts and desires count. Here’s the bad news, in order for you to take time for you, you’ll have to learn to say ‘no’. Tough break for those of us who dislike the ‘feeling’ of letting someone down, but every now and then, we should!
If you find your partner asking of you in a manner that has already been answered, for example “darling, forgot to tell you I’ve asked 20 of our closest friends for dinner, why don’t you make your famous lasagne!”, that’s a reason to whip out a little shock treatment. “No darling, I have other plans tonight”. Here’s hoping next time you’ll hear, “darling, I’m thinking of getting a few of our friends together a week from Friday, why don’t I cook so you can relax and enjoy the night.” Cue clouds parting, angels singing!
There’s no real secret here, it’s about setting boundaries and can I add, subtly. No need to scream it whilst hurling a plate across a room. That’s called ‘anger management issues’. Let’s set some boundaries before we get there. If we are always available and always say yes, then inevitably we are taken for granted and the time for ourselves decreases. We find ourselves running around like we’re on speed!
We all want to be the women that can do it all – and enjoy it. So, let’s just do it better and take a moment for ourselves each day to exercise, read, write, solve world problems, have a manicure, start a veggie patch, ponder the universe and perhaps dream a little. We owe it to everyone around us and more importantly – to ourselves! |
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